So here's the thing, I was sitting at my computer today, thinking about what I wanted to share with everyone. All these other random thoughts came to my mind; what's for dinner, what do I want to do with the kids tonight, what's on TV, etc.. but the one and only thought that survived and made it to my Blog today was the awesome knowledge that I can do just about anything I want, and this is an awesome feeling!
After two failed marriages and countless relationships that went anywhere from 4 months to 5 years; I was what you'd consider a "serial relationship" person. For the first time in my adult life, I don't have any "gaps" to fill, or a pressing need to reconnect with someone in a hurry. I love God, and I'm totally and incandescently in love with myself so this time, there are no gaps! Now keep in mind, I believe healthy humans appreciate and enjoy healthy sex lives, and I am not immune, hell at the ripe old age of 41, I don't just like sex, I LOVE IT!!!; this is why taking this time out, the longest period of time I have ever been without love in my life, has been so rejuvenating! I'm so enjoying the freedom of my "single-dom" that dating has begun to feel like... like pressure! LOL!!!
In my opinion dating, overall, SUCKS! You're story, which you learn to deliver like the "boiler-plate" comment it turns into; is recited time and time again to a new audience and becomes less and less interesting every time you hear them coming out of your mouth... You ever just want to write it down and hand it over to your date? I know, to much like a resume'/ job interview, right? But isn't it? Aren't you vying for the position of love interest? The only thing you really can't determine is if it's forever, or for right now... like I said, dating sucks. But, now that I'm not "pressed", maybe dating sucks a little more? When I'm asked out I accept... depending, but for the most part, I just want to say ""I'm good!" lol!
Don't get me wrong, I cannot wait to be in love again. I know that this person will be everything God intended me to have in a Man. He will be indulgent, and so will I and we will thank God everyday for blessing us and delivering us to one another, but in the meantime... ;-)
I'm getting to know who I am and I'm loving myself more and more everyday. I feel like Patrick Swayze in Ghost, when his business is finished on this earth and he's about to take his place in Heaven he tells Molly "... all the love you have inside, you take it with you.." And that is exactly the way I feel. I have no ill will, animosity or regrets about the Men I've loved and lost... The fact that I am so happy now clearly means that I wasn't supposed to be with them.. and, honestly, how could I? In order to be with any one of them, I'd have to feel at least half of what I'm feeling for myself right now, and that just wasn't the case. Knowing what I know now will make my next relationship so much easier, more loving; but, and I hate to write this out loud, I LOVE BEING A LITTLE SELFISH RIGHT NOW!!! I love my bed, I love my bedroom, I love my bathroom and, gosh darn it, I don't want to share them at the moment! Does this make me a bad person, or happily single? :-) Be well...
I don't just "Like it", I "LOVE IT"!!! "I will not let a person determine who I should be. I am loving me. Thank you lord for all your mercy."Cynthia Galloway Burch
I don't just "Like it", I "LOVE IT"!!! "Before you are a leader, success is all about growing yourself. When you become a leader, success is all about growing others." Jack Welch via Myckelle Williams
I don't just "Like it", I "LOVE IT"!!! " Gregory B Caldwell is EVER-evolving...and LOVING the Process!!!"
Fran you are my new HERO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteSounds like you're happily single...It has been written that "Love is the fulfillment of the Law" So continue to Love You and what God has done for you.
ReplyDeleteI've been blessed to live be a code and that code is...
It's my business to love you and not my business to care what you think about me...
When I do this everyday for everyone and everything I pretty much get along with most people. I find that a lot of people are thrown off by it, but it's another reason why i like doing it. It's the last thing they expect from a dude like me, especially a black dude, sometimes I find black people trippin' on it the most. lol.
" How can that bleep and bleep be so happy all the time always lovin' and shit"?
And I like that...It's also the way I dissolve my selfishness because I've learned none of the things I've been given are mines...They were all given unto me, blessings you might say so that I can share with the world anything I want or not. Choices I've been given I am blessed indeed. And so are you-Bonita Francesca...xo "You love it...I love it"...lol.
Hey Fran, I read your blog and I think it is GREAT!!!!!, You are and have been one of my favorite people. Your position in life is where God wants you to be. It's like Deja Vu when you say I have seen this before and you wait to see or try and remember the ending....but you can't. Well the reason you cant is because that so called Deja Vu is really God letting you know that your exactly where your supposed to be in life. Don't worry about the ending just write the story...YOUR story. I am PROUD of you Fran and you never know who is loving or has or will LOVE you and your beautiful spirit. Continue to walk in it.. I can't wait for the book. Obed Ford
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